The South Park Theory
by Bramblestarofsunclan
Summary: The life of four unlikely scientists that came from a place called South Park. Based loosely on the show The Big Bang Theory
1. Chapter 1

I walk into the apartment building for the first time with a feeling of excitement in my heart. I will finally be able to fulfill my dreams of becoming an oncologist for cancer patients I have already gotten my PhD in it but and I have already found a career at a hospital nearby but now I just need to find a place close enough to be able to keep my career and save lives and one day kick cancer's ass.

I guess my dream of becoming an oncologist was when my new super best friend Butters was diagnosed with ALL or otherwise known as acute lymphocytic leukemia the thing that eventually took away his life. If it was me being that doctor that was trying their best to save him, I know I could've. That's the thing that made me change my mind about what I wanted to be when I was older the next year in grade 10. I got my PhD last year when I was 24, obviously now I'm 25.

You see near the beginning of grade 7 my group of best friends which consisted of Kenny, Cartman, Kyle and I broke up. It all started with Cartman having to move away the summer before his Mom wanted to move away from our town because she has already fucked everyone here and just needed a change in scenery, trust me Cartman was ready to murder his Mom. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he did in the end.

At first we were all so excited for the fact that the anti-sematic fat-ass was gone from our lives and things may actually be normal for once around here but it turns out to be just that. It was too normal we began to all realize something; we were growing apart just like normal kids do. Kenny was getting really popular with the girls and let's face the facts here, he was pretty damn hot. Rumour has it; he lost his virginity by the time the school year ended.

Meanwhile Kyle began to become more defined to his books and less to his friends. He never wanted to do anything and was just not the people type anymore, so eventually I gave up on him and that's where Butters came in.

Butters was there for me when I needed him, without Cartman around Butters was lost too. He had no friends and was always a lone at recesses so I decided that we both needed each other at times like these and in the end it was just that.

I take a nice glance around the lobby of the apartment building where I might be living for the next few years and I have to admit it is a very nice living space. There are a homey cream coloured bricks on the floor and the walls are painted brightly. In the corner in front of the stairs a small plant is one of those green fern like ones you see in hotels and all that. There is a place for the mail on one of the walls and of course there is an elevator right next to the stairs.

Trying not to be lazy I decide not to take it and go up the stairs after all it might help me get to know the place here a little bit better.

I walk up each flight of the stairs trying to get a good glimpse of everything around me but I realize that each flight looks the same. As I walk up the second flight of stairs I notice someone walking down the stairs carrying a box looking really frustrated. He has short blonde hair, tall and narrow blue eyes, and he looks around my age.

When he sees me, someone that has never been in this apartment building before he pauses briefly so I stop too one of my feet on the step above me.

"Are you the one that is looking into sharing an apartment, maybe if I may ask 3A?" he asks sounding annoyed looking me up and down.

"Yeah I am, do you know where it is?" I ask him with a friendly smile feeling a lot like Pip at the moment. Ever since I have decided to get into science more and work hard at my grades I've been getting this "Pip" feeling as I call it a lot in the past ten years. It's the feeling when people look down at me, take advantage of me, and all of that even when I'm nice to them just because I'm lower in the food chain. Even though I am no longer in High School or University that shouldn't matter but it does whenever I see anyone that is good looking or has that type of tone to their voice that they have a lot of friends and was extremely popular in those years. I am not too sure about this guy whether or not if he once was someone "cool" or not but I feel this way what so ever.

"Here I'll let you in on some advice," he says slyly and I begin to worry wondering whether or not I should trust to this guy so I just simply nod.

"RUN!" he shouts and walks away quickly before I get a chance to say anything back. Huh, that's weird. I watch him turn the corner of the stairs really confused before I turn around and continue walking up the stairs heading over to my hopefully future apartment with my hopefully future roommate inside. I hope he's nice, maybe he will be my future super best friend but alas no one can hold a candle to Butters or Kyle _no one._

I walk up the stairs of the apartment building that is dimly lightened until I reach the third floor; this is where I may live one day. The main hallway of the floor looks a lot like the main lobby downstairs, same tiles, same stairs next to the elevator the only difference is that there is no fern plant next to the stairs instead there is an apartment that reads 3B on the dark blue door. It is almost the same colour as my poof-ball that despite everything, I'm still wearing. Sure I guess I am a little too old for it but I never want to let go of it.

I turn around and notice that the apartment is right behind me, not able to take one more minute of waiting I knock on the door with excitement to see what it is like inside, and of course meet my possible future roommate.

The door opens to see a tall skinny guy about my age. He has short brown hair, large brown eyes and the way he stands is very up-tight and awkward. His face is expressionless and I feel a little bit self-conscious as he looks me up and down.

"Hi, I'm-" I start to say with a small wave and a friendly smile trying my best to sound like a good candidate for a roommate.

"I know who you are, you are Dr. Stanley Marsh, come in." he cuts me off not even bothering to smile and steps aside to let me come into the apartment. I come into a very large spacious apartment it's gorgeous really with a large room that has a kitchen at one side of it and a hallway that leads to probably the bedrooms and bathrooms. But there is something that I notice about it that bugs me a little bit, how empty it is!  
>"This place is really nice." I comment taking a glance around the nearly empty apartment.<p>

"Thank you," he replies back closing the door and walking over to the two lawn chairs smack in the middle of the room. "I probably should introduce myself shouldn't I? My name is Dr. Eric Cartman." He introduces himself formerly.

"Hey Eric, what do you do?" I ask him, I know he works as the Children's Hospital I will soon be working at but I'm not sure what he does there.

"Well I'm a Surgical Technologist." He answers proudly " I also have a PhD in physics but I want to use my knowledge in something that could actually save lives."

I smile at the thought that he is doing such a great thing this Eric Cartman seems like a good guy, even though he seems really awkward. He also seems really smart; maybe Cartman can teach me a thing or two. Wait a minute…Cartman? Eric Cartman? Can this really be the same anti-sematic, fat, dumb-ass that lived in South Park and tried to exterminate the Jewish population? The one that thought that Smurfs existed? The one that killed a kid's parents and fed them to his own parents? No motherfucking way this can't be him, it has to be a coincidence!

"C-Cartman?" I stutter suddenly feeling as if I am 9 years old again back when I wasn't so smart and was the foot-ball loving careless me.

Eric turns around and looks at me with the same expressionless look. "Yes? I prefer to go by Eric by the way."

"Eric Cartman, did you once live in South Park when you were younger?" I ask him tapping my fingernails together feeling a little bit awkward and I begin to worry that it isn't him and this guy will think I'm some sort of nut case.

"Why yes I did, my Mother and I moved to Toronto right before the seventh grade, why do you ask?" he sounds a little bit confused and a bit intrigued at the same time too.

"It's me Cartman! Stan Marsh!" I tell him my eyes growing wide and my heart pounding, I can't believe it. This is Eric Cartman tall, skinny, a motherfucking genius with two PhD's! What the fuck happened? I wish I knew Kyle still he would have died if he saw this!

"Stan? That hippie from elementary school that dated that bitch Wendy Testaburger?" he asks his large brown eyes filled with memories of the pass.

"Jesus Christ it is you! What the fuck happened?" I ask him looking at him up and down; I almost have to pinch myself to make sure this isn't a dream. This can't be Eric Theodore Cartman he is pretty much unrecognizable. But looking at him once more you can tell that it _is _him only Cartman had those large pine-wood brown eyes, and some of his facial features are alike but otherwise nothing more is the same.

Cartman sighs and points his arm toward the two lawns chairs in the middle of the room that face a TV and a tall lamp stands next to one of them. "It looks like I have a lot of explaining to do before I start the interview, take a seat Stan."

I sit down on the first chair I see which is a simple one with red and white woven into it together, the colours of the Canadian flag. It's the one that is right next to the tall black lamp.

Cartman stares at me as I sit not looking impressed whatsoever and I look up at him in curiosity of what I did wrong. "Yeah if you are going to live here, here is the first thing you need to know. That's where I sit."

_**So this is a new idea I thought of which is kind of loosely based on the show Big Bang Theory, it has some of the same ideas from the show with a little twist to it. As you can tell a little bit already Stan is based a bit upon Leonard and Cartman is based on Sheldon. Raj, Howard and Penny are coming up soon. I hope you like the idea of it and please leave reviews!**_

_**Love you all, Bramblestar**_


	2. Explainations

"Excuse me?" I ask him slightly confused in what he's saying. What does he mean this is where he sits? There is another perfectly good chair to sit on right next to me!

"Well in the winter this place is close enough to the heating so that it is warm but not close enough to cause perspiration. In the summer its directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, discouraging conversation, nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion. I could go on but I think that is enough for now." He explains to me without taking a breath. I bet he's had to explain all this a ton of times.

I sigh and I move over to the lawn chair beside me which is just plain dark blue. I begin to wonder why he doesn't have a couch in here is at least something besides these.

"So where was I?" he asks me but then he pauses and thinks for a minute. "Oh yes now I remember, how I turned from what I was to who I am today."

I nod my mouth a little open still in shock over what the hell happened to the fat racist bastard I once knew. This is going to be an interesting story to hear, maybe even a little bit unbelievable.

"After we moved to Toronto I was very pissed off at my Mother. I had everything going for me at South Park, three best friends, a trusty sidekick, A.K.A Butters and more. Speaking of Butters, do you know what happened to that little pussy?"

His words stung me like a bee; I was not expecting him to say that. Like I knew that he wouldn't ask about Kyle he is still too proud to admit that he cares about him but Butters? I really wasn't expecting him to ask, and not in that form. It also hurts in a way that he has no idea what happened to him.

"I'll tell you later." I whisper my voice cracking Butters' death is one moment of my life that I never want to relive. Like the day I thought I became a cynical bastard, luckily for me it was temporary. Or the time Wendy broke up with me the first time and the second time. God damn I want her back.

Not noticing to see my sudden darkness in mood Cartman continues. "So my Mom carried on with where she started in South Park. Fucking a lot of men, it pissed me off because often now that I was older she would kick me out of the house for the night. She spoiled me with all the toys and shit in the world but I never got the love. So what did I do? Well at school I was pushed into the darkness, remember besides Terrance and Phillip I hated Canada and Canadians and in a way I still do but I have a career here and there is no fucking way I'm starting over in America. Anyways I like the fact that the health care is free here, it sure helped Mom when I fucked things up here and there. So I became completely anti-social I was a huge loser. So without a home most nights and no social life I had nothing better to do with my life but focus on school. And I guess I really was good at it. And that's I guess how I ended up here today with two PhD's and working at a children's hospital as a surgeon. Which is pretty kick-ass I have to admit." When he finishes he takes a deep breath.

I stare at him with complete horror and shock. He has gone through so much, and he was forced to go into this stuff but in a way it is a good thing all of it happened. He turned from the murderous (literally!) anti-Semitic, fat-ass to this skinny, smart, guy that is working at a kid's hospital! I know that in a way he is still the Cartman I have always known but he has changed a lot.

"So Stan, what inspired you to become an oncologist?" he asks with interest, he is probably thinking the same thing as me. I was nothing into Science and all that other shit last time he checked.

"Well I guess I got a reality check from wanting to be a star foot-ball player." I say sarcastically laughing a bit.

Cartman looks at me weirdly like a confused puppy. "Really? What a strange way to get into medical care." He replies not getting it at all.

"I was being sarcastic." I explain to him flatly, Jesus tap dancing Christ did he really get _that_ bad in the social scale?

"Oh." He replies quietly laughing awkwardly as if the joke wasn't funny at all but he is just trying to be polite. I wonder if he was even trying to spare my feelings, Cartman was never like that and I hardly doubt he has changed that much!

"Well you know how you asked about whatever happened to Butters?" I ask biting my lip trying not to cry, I don't want to reunite with Cartman from over ten years just to cry my eyes out like a little girl. I am strong, I have to deal with stories like this every day but I don't want too it pains me every time. They say time heals all but I'm still waiting.

"Yeah?" he asks in curiosity to whatever happened to one of his best friends in the world and his worst enemy Professor Chaos whenever Cartman was The Coon. I miss being Tool Shed, the only times I can role-play being super heroes now are at Comic Con, Halloween and other times. In a way it pains me that he has no fucking idea what happened.

"Well you see after you left, Butters and I became really good friends. The remainder of us Kenny, Kyle and I we all grew apart without you around." I say looking down avoiding eye contact with him. I hate retelling shit especially if it's something like this.

I look over to see Cartman smile a little bit, and I guess in a way I would smile too. To find out my best friends missed me and that they fell apart without me around I guess would be a beautiful thing to find out. To actually know that you mattered to these people after you were gone.

I take a deep breath knowing the hard part comes next. "Well at the end of grade eight Butters was beginning to change a little bit. He grew tired a lot, lost his appetite and always had the strangest bruises on him. At first I thought he just fell off his skateboard you know normal stuff, but Butters never skateboarded. In July he was diagnosed with Leukemia."

A gasp from Cartman shocks me the most and he looks over at me with pain in his brown eyes. As if he knows what comes next. But I know that I have to carry on, I am too far in now.

"It was so hard to see him go through everything but I stayed with him every moment I could. At times I skipped school even to stay with him. Even though I hated needles, hospitals and all that I sucked it up for him. I can deal with a small fear of medical things if Butters has to deal with everyone's nightmare. I was there with him the day he died, his cancer spread too much throughout his body to be saved. The doctors tried their best to save him but it just wasn't enough. But I know one day I will be able to save kids like Butters. " I finish as a single teardrop rolls down my cheek. I told myself not to cry but here I am.

The two of us sit still for a moment in complete silence before we continue on with our conversation.

"I hope Butters rests in peace, I wish I was there for his funeral." He replies sadly looking down but not crying.

"Can we continue on with this? I don't want to talk about it anymore." I reply trying to get into my positive self again. I force a small smile on my face and I try to think about things that make me smile, cats, dogs, dolphins, Star Wars, anything to get me out of this.

"Yes I suppose we should." Cartman replies and pulls out a brown clipboard with and a blue Bic pen. Clipped on the clipboard is a survey, which he probably made himself.

"Do you like Babylon 5?" he asks looking over at me awaiting my answer holding his pen up to the first set of little lines next to the question.

"Yeah, I love it!" I reply back in excitement. That was an easy question; I hope the rest are like this one! My excitement drops though as his face turns sour.

"_That_ could be a problem." He mutters darkly. "How could you like that?"

"I don't know it's a good show!" I say not seeing what the problem is, it's just a show God damn it!

"A good-how can you find that quality? Really Stan, I would think more of you, you should be disappointed." He says shaking his head back and forth in disappointment. I begin to wonder if I am going to be like Kyle with this and he is going to rip on me for liking the show like Kyle was always ripped on by him for being Jewish.

"If you are to live here, you are forbidden to watch it." He orders me all in pure seriousness.

"Forbidden? Dude, what is this?" I ask him in complete shock that he would actually forbid me from actually doing something like that. Seems just a little bit weird. I can tell Cartman has kept being a nut-case but this time just a little bit different.

"Sorry Stan I just make the rules around here." He says with no sign of sympathy what-so-ever and quickly scribbles something down in the sheet of paper on his board.

"When are your bowel movements usually made? Mine are usually around 8:00 at night and 8:30 in the morning." He replies while I stare at him dumbfounded. Bowel movements? How the hell am I supposed to know when my body finishes its work? He's got to be making some sort of joke.

"Are you kidding?" I ask him completely freaked out that he might be serious.

"No, why would I be?" he asks me confused. I thought everyone knew such a thing.

The rest of the questions in the questionnaire went a lot like that filled with some of the most crazy questions I have ever been asked and trust me, living in South Park I have seen and been asked some pretty crazy things. I've even been asked if I have seen a walking-talking towel before but even that seems like nothing compared to this!

I am not sure how I have done with this but I think he likes the fact that I am into science and is not a dumb-ass like his last roommate. It reassures me though when he stands up and says. "Congratulations Stan, you've made it to the next stage."

"The next stage?" I repeat him like I am five years old in kindergarten learning new words.

"Yes, congratulations," he says clapping a little bit. "Now I will give you a tour of my apartment." He says formally like he is giving a tour to a museum and I am the people from the tour bus taking 1000 pictures every minute.

"Uh, thanks." I say shyly not sure how to react to all this. It's a pretty awkward moment right now, I have never seen anyone like Cartman before. Not even Cartman was like this Cartman, and that is pretty fucked up.

"Well you already know this room so now I will show you the bathroom and your bedroom." He says and leads me over to the hallway where the bedrooms and bathrooms are. He briefly shows me the bathroom which is very simple, a bathtub with a shower, vanity; white tiled floors same old, same old.

He then leads me down the hallway where there are two closed white doors. "This is my room here; no one goes in my room. Including you." He orders me and I nod slightly as we walk away from it.

He walks a little more down the hallway which is brightly lightened with light brown hardwood floors, and the walls are painted light brown that gives a kind of comforting feel and a few framed paintings are hung on the walls.

He opens up the second door to a nice large room which I am guessing will be my bedroom. It is spacious, and very nice. I really hope I am allowed to stay here. "This is really nice Cartman." I compliment it looking around the room taking in every square-inch.

"Thank you Stan, this would be your room." He says politely and we both look over at the wall closest to the door. It is perfectly fine, don't get me wrong except for one little thing. In giant red letters all the way across it, it reads

"**Die Eric Die."**

I look over at him with a smirk on my face because it is a little bit funny and he quickly shuts the door behind him. "Never mind that." He replies and I know that was not according to plan.

"So you better leave now but I will let you know if you got in or not." He says getting back in business and ushering me out back into the hallway.

"Okay, bye." I say nicely leaving behind a good impression for him smiling even though inside I am beginning to get very nervous my heart is pounding like insanely. I want this apartment so bad, it's perfect for my career and Cartman is one of the last things from my childhood left and seeing him again reminds me how much I really do miss him.

As Cartman closes the door behind me I stand there for a moment lost in thought and worries. What if he doesn't choose me? What would I do? Would the Children's Hospital find another oncologist? Probably thousands would jump at the job opportunity. I probably would have to go back to South Park and hope for a job at Hell's Pass Hospital or maybe some place in Denver.

I go back to my Comfort Inn hotel a few streets away alone and I was I walk I look around the streets of Toronto. The city is so different from South Park, not everyone knows each other, there are so many people I just love it so much. I think the city life is almost better off for me I am getting pretty sick of back home, and all the people in it. A good amount of my classmates stayed in South Park such as Craig and Tweek but others left such as Bebe and Clyde. I wonder what the hell happened to them. Wendy left to in grade 11. I miss her a lot, she was my first love and you always remember your first one.

I look over at the CN Tower in the darkening sky with amazement. It is so tall, and at night the lights on it changes colour it's very pretty. I've been here once before but I was eight and I had Christmas and saving Ike on my mind. Things have changed a lot since then.

A few days later, the day before I am to leave Toronto and go home in disappointment and lost hope I get an email from Cartman telling me that I got the room.

_**I'm sorry if they both sound kind of OCish but it's hard trying to make them sound like both Cartman-Sheldon and Stan-Leonard. But I hope I did okay!**_

_**Love you all, Bramblestar.**_


	3. More Surprises

_**Five Months Later**_

The move into Cartman's apartment wasn't too bad; I didn't bring much with me from South Park just my clothes, collectables and some other things I can't part with. I bought all the new furniture before I moved in at the Pottery Barn in the Eaton Centre. I am now pretty settled in the apartment and I am starting to learn to memorize all of Cartman's crazy rules. And hard enough as it is, live with them. Even though it's kind of strange living with everything labeled on them and not sitting on one of those lawn chairs. I really should talk to Eric about getting a couch or something like that; I want to try and make some friends here or maybe just maybe get a girl. And I don't think lawn chairs are much of a welcome to our home.

I have worked at the hospital now for a few months but I haven't been very social with the other doctors and nurses around here I mostly just keep on the Cancer Patient's floor of the hospital where my office is and bring a Tim Horton's bagel for a snack if I get hungry. I've mostly been learning about where everything is around here and helping out with certain procedures with other patients but today I am getting my first patient and I have mixed feeling about this. I am excited because my career has fully started but I am sad too because I am working with a child who may have one of the most deadly diseases of all time.

I've read the girl's file that I will be working with and I have to admit I am pretty nervous. I have gone through years of schooling for this and I know I am ready. The girl's name is Miranda Love and she has just turned thirteen this month. That's it, thirteen years old and she might have cancer. It is just horrible how this world works.

I open the door into my office where I see a young girl sitting down on one of the black leather seats that are meant for discussing things with my patients next to her Mother who has moved her chair closer with her arm around her daughter. They both must be so nervous.

Miranda looks like any other girl at the age of thirteen with long chestnut-brown hair, large brown eyes, pale skin that she has no doubt spent hours in the sun trying to tan, and I notice around her eyes is a small amount of make-up. She is wearing a dark blue Hollister sweater and gray Roots sweatpants. Even through the baggy clothes I notice that she is rather skinny but in the healthy way she looks pretty athletic.

Her Mother looks a lot different from her with dark red hair that is close to brown and hazel eyes and her skin isn't as pale as her daughter's. Around her eyes are a pair of thin golden glasses.

"Hi there, you must be Miranda. I'm Dr. Marsh but you can call me Stan." I say kindly sitting down at my desk in front of them. I take out two sheets of paper, one to take notes on Miranda's medical behaviour and another to take notes on Miranda. I want to try to connect with the kid's a bit for conversation starters and to make them feel like I am their friend. It's strange, I can connect well with the kid's yet in the real world I have a really hard time making friend's which sucks because I really want to be social.

"Hi," she mutters quietly looking down shyly. Or maybe she already knows what's going on and doesn't want to face it.

"She has been to her family doctor already which sent us here. I don't understand why we're on the cancer floor though. She is probably just going through a large growth spurt." Mrs. Love stutters nervously her eyes growing large her voice shaking.

"Tell me some of her symptoms, and who knows? It might just be that." I say friendly and trying to be a slight bit positive for them. Who knows? It might now be cancer after all, it might just be another infection imitating cancer symptoms.

"Well I really like to play soccer but whenever I do my leg starts hurting like Hell. It also happens whenever I go for runs with my best friend Hilary or after gym in school. It hurts a lot, and it usually doesn't go away after five minutes." Miranda explains to me.

I write down the name of her best friend and soccer on one of the sheets of paper and the other of what she is feeling. It still could have something to do with her growth but it doesn't sound good.

"And where are you mostly feeling these pains in your legs?" I ask her getting suspicious. I look up at her as she points to her knee. "Around here," she says.

"There is also a lump on it show him that." Mrs. Love orders her daughter looking over at her. A lump? That does not sound good.

"Okay." She whispers and hesitantly shows me the lump on her knee. I write all of that down quickly because that is very important. I am beginning to get an idea of what she has.

"Has she started going through a growth-spurt lately?" I ask her sounding pretty important at the moment and it gives me a sudden rush of motivation I _am_ important now, I am actually helping someone. These people trust me with their lives at the moment.

"Yes she has, she is a lot taller than most of her friends now." Mrs. Love answers and I look at Miranda up and down she does look a lot taller than a normal thirteen year old should be.

"It would be good if I ever want to be an athlete." Miranda says contently. "Or maybe a dancer, I may want to try out _So You Think You Can Dance_ one day once I'm old enough. "she tells me getting off topic a little bit but it's okay as long as she's happy.

"I bet you would win." I reply and she smiles widely and I wonder if she's thinking about the host of the show calling out her name when she wins.

"But sweetie, you've never taken any dance lessons." Her Mom replies playfully, and Miranda rolls her eyes I can tell she has heard this a dozen times.

"Yes but I have raw talent, which is way better then stupid ass lessons." She says with excitement. "I can dance right now if you want." She says looking over at me.

"Not today, but uh I have some books about ballet on my book shelf over there if you want to read them." I say pointing over to my large kid's corner which has toys, books and even a Nintendo Ds to entertain my patients. The whole point of this hospital is to make kid's forget that they are in one with happy bright colours, pretty pictures and stuff like that. A lot of the women employees around here I notice have scrubs with Disney characters on them. Sometimes I like to wear pins on mine depending on the age group. For older kid's I try and buy and make by printing pictures out of them of different things such as _Jersey Shore _and other things that kid's that age love. For younger ones I have animals, cartoon characters and smiley faces stuff like that. Today I am wearing one with a pretty orange kitten on it because I don't know why but Miranda just seems like the type that likes cats. I want to actually get a cat for our apartment I miss having a pet and I love animals, I will talk to Cartman later. He must miss Mr. Kitty.

"Okay, I like ballet. I love the costumes they get to wear." She says getting up and walking over to the book shelf so I can have a serious talk with her Mother.

"I don't want to frighten you but I want to run some tests on your daughter." I whisper in a low tone, trying not to scare Miranda even though she's thirteen. Cancer at any age is probably one of the scariest things ever.

Mrs. Love nods. "I knew it; I went to medical school before I got pregnant with her older brother. And I guess being a house mother suited me more. I just didn't want it to happen you know? I thought if I kept on denying it, it wouldn't be true." She whispers back a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"I know it's hard but on the good news that what I think she may have and if she does most of the patients that do, recover from it. And I may still be wrong. Your daughter will be all right though no matter what happens. And I am here to make sure that she makes it to _So You Think You Can Dance._"

….

Lunch time, and once again I feel like a kid in the cafeteria in the middle of high school. Clutching their tray nervously in front of what seems like the entire student body.

That is what exactly what I feel like right now. I am in the Employee's Cafeteria holding my lunch of a burger and fries with water on the side. My stomach is twisting; this is my moment to make new friends. Not much people are on break at the moment we all have different lunches. I look over in the corner where I see two guys sitting together eating their lunch in silence even though they look kind of lame there is something about them that draws me over to them.

"Hi, I'm Stan. Can I sit here?" I ask awkwardly pausing at each word; I think I might have an asthma attack right now. I really hope not that is not what I want to introduce myself with.

"Yeah sure," the red head answers taking a big bite out of the pork hot dogs that were being served even though hot dogs are one of the worst things for you. But whatever, I won't make a comment about that.

I sit down next to the red head and I notice that he looks really familiar. He has longish curly red hair that frames his face, emerald green eyes, he is pretty slim and he has the same nose as-Kyle. Could it be?

I look over at the other guy across the table who looks a bit like that actor Alex Pettyfer. The one that is in all of those teen movies lately even though I think he sucks at acting, Cartman agrees with me for some reason we watched _Beastly_ one day and we thought he ruined the movie but Neil Patrick Harris was really good in it.

He has long dirty blonde hair, tanned skin, and blue eyes, just like Kenny. Okay seeing Cartman again must have made me insane I'm seeing my old childhood friends everywhere!

"So what are your guy's names?" I ask trying to start conversation and also intrigued to know if they are my friends even though I know that they can't be!

"My name is Kenny McCormick." The blonde says with pride introducing himself with a lot of self-esteem.

"I'm Kyle Broflovski." The red haired one says nicely.

"Wait a minute from South Park?" I say dumb-founded, no way there must be a Canadian version of them.

"Yeah?" Kenny answers with hesitation I guess I would too if a random guy just went up to me randomly and asked where I came from.

"Wait…Stan?" Kyle whispers looking over at me trying to see his old best friend. I guess it has been over ten years a lot has changed since then.

"It's me dude!" I say with excitement, I can't believe it, it's Kyle and Kenny right here working in the same hospital as me, in Canada sitting right here in the same cafeteria after not seeing each other for years.

"Oh my God, Stan I can't believe it's you!" Kenny exclaims in surprise. I guess we're all so excited, shocked and surprised to see each other again.

"Yeah, I share an apartment with Cartman a few streets away." I tell them knowing that they will be even more surprised that Eric is here too.

"Oh my God, I actually do miss him." Kenny announces thinking back at all of his memories of the fat-ass.

"He works here now too. He has two PhD's." I also say getting kind of excited to tell them so much news about their old dumb-ass friend.

"Holy shit." Kenny mutters in disbelief looking down at his lunch for a moment then back at me. "You have to be kidding."

"I'm not, you can come over tonight at 5:00 if you want to see him." I say knowing that they will take this opportunity in a second. I would too if I could, I mean this is insane this is Eric Cartman we're talking about after all.

"I'll be there." Kyle says almost right away. He and Cartman were rivals back in the day and I bet Kyle is really excited to see what has become of the guy that hated Jews and was a complete asshole to him. I bet him out of all of us want to see him.

"I'll have to ask Mother but I'm sure it'll be okay." Kenny says kind of embarrassed.

"Wait, dude, you live with your Mom?" I ask him knowing I probably sound really rude. I can't believe Kenny out of all people still live with his Mother. Especially since he came from the most dysfunctional family I've ever seen.

"Yeah, she divorced Dad when she found out that I was working at a kid's hospital and bought us a house not too far away for us to share. She left both of my other siblings back in South Park. I wonder what happened to Kevin and Karen. " Kenny replies not happily.

"That's okay, I hardly ever see my parents anymore I miss Dad a lot." I say trying to make him feel a bit better.

"I don't miss my family at all. I'm glad to be away from my Mother. But I still have to do video chat with them once in a while." Kyle adds angrily. "At least I am away from having to eat kosher." He shrugs with a smile and takes a huge bite of the pork hotdog with complete happiness and rebellion against his Mother.

I look over at the black and white clock on the wall of the cafeteria and I notice that I have to be back in the office in five I'm meeting up with my second patient today in half an hour and I want to make sure I have everything ready for them. "I have to go now; I will see you guys at 5." I say giving them my address on the back of a napkin along with my cell number just in case.

Before I leave the cafeteria I look back at them one more time in disbelief, Holy shit! I seriously can't believe it's them and to tell you the truth besides their looks maturing they don't seem much different than before. I bet Kenny is still perverted as always and Kyle still probably smart. He seems a little bit rebellious of his parent's back home now though. I guess to make up for years of over protective parenting.

I head towards the elevator in the large cheerful main hallway that is a wide open space with a fountain, many restaurants, a hallway that leads too many gift shops and some different labs, many happy decorations and distractions for the kids, and many places for visitors to sit down and eat their lunch

I think one day if I don't want to go to the employee's cafeteria I may have lunch at the Subway there, I sometimes like to look down from the hallways of the Cancer Floor which has a view of the lobby downstairs and watch people walk by and wonder what their stories are.

As I press the button on one of the two elevators to go upstairs I think about the two lawn chairs in our living room, I _can't _let Kyle and Kenny see that! They would never let me live it down, and Cartman wouldn't pick up on it.

_**A few hours later**_

I did it; I can't believe I actually did it. I am standing in our living room that looks so much nicer with the new couch I just bought at Ikea. Right after work I drove right over there (I bought a used car when I moved to Toronto) and bought a couch and luckily for me they offered to take it over right away! So now there is just 15 minutes left until Kenny and Kyle are supposed to come over and I am standing right here starring at it.

It's a fairly simple couch and it didn't really cost much, I bought one of the cheapest ones available knowing that Cartman is not going to like this sudden change and probably won't help pay even though we split the cost on pretty much everything else we have.

The door knocks and I run over to see Kyle and Kenny standing there contently.

"Hey, come on in." I welcome them politely and I allow them into my new home hoping that they approve.

"Wow, nice place!" Kenny replies flinging himself on the couch, it is right in the spot where Cartman's sitting place was. He puts his feet up on the table where Eric and I usually put our dinner because there is no kitchen table here, just an island to make things on in the kitchen.

"Yeah, is Cartman here?" Kyle says looking down the hallway expecting his fat childhood enemy to come out his bedroom any minute now.

"No not yet he's not out of work yet." I reply sitting down next to Kenny on the other chair I managed to buy (Ikea had this sale on it was free) it's a lighter brown colour.

"What does he do anyway?" Kyle asks sitting at the other end of the couch to join in the conversation.

"Yeah, is he a janitor?" Kenny jokes and Kyle cracks up and I can't help but smirk because you would think he'd be stuck with some job like that.

"No, he's a surgical technologist." I answer trying not to laugh from Kenny's remark because to them he is still the dumb-ass.

"Say what?" Kyle yells his eyes wide in disbelief while Kenny's mouth drops open in shock. My thoughts exactly were that when I found that out.

"I'm surprised that you guys are so shocked. I told you he has two PhD's remember?" I test them remembering the conversation we had earlier, and wondering if they were even listening to me after all. I'm sure they were their jobs must have made them forget.

"Yeah dude, but I thought you were kidding!" Kyle tells me in seriousness and I know that he is not lying to me. And once again I do not blame them what-so-ever for not believing me.

"So um, what do you guys do?" I ask trying not to spoil everything from them, let them be a little bit surprised when they see him. Anyways I have been wondering this for a little while now they work at the hospital I know that but there is so many options for them to do.

"Well I am an X-Ray Technician, "Kenny says proudly putting his hand on his chest making himself look even more full of it.

"Who doesn't have his PhD!" Kyle adds in laughing at him amused so I guess Kyle has one too. Kenny flashes him a dirty look not happy at him whatsoever for bringing it up.

"Shut up, I have a master's degree!" Kenny argues but he knows now by the way we're laughing that he is the only one out of the four of us that never got his doctorate. That sucks; I guess a bit he is the stupidest one out of all of us when Cartman he thought always was. Ouch, that's all I have to say to that.

"What do you do Kyle?" I ask before some sort of argument breaks out.

"I'm a Physiatrist for the suicidal." He says not quite as proudly as Kenny and I can't help but smile at that. That is just beautiful for Kyle to do that, he's viewed so much suicides growing up in South Park after all, we've viewed so much throughout the crazy shit that happened. I guess he grew as sick of it as I am and wants to save lives too.

"That's great dude!" I compliment him and he smiles at me knowing what I mean.

"So what do you do Stan?" Kenny say impatiently.

"I am an Oncologist." I tell them and they both nod their heads in unison. They know of the fate of Butters they were both at his funeral after all. They both used to be close with him when we were younger but during Butters' final years I was his best friend.

"Look Stan- I know that Butters death was really hard on you, and if you ever want to talk about it we're here for you dude." Kyle replies being the super best friend he used to be. I smile because that remark is the thing I've been waiting to hear for so long.

"Thanks, but I'll be fine." I say bravely.

Just then the door opens and Cartman walks in the door casually, I gulp knowing that he hates having visitors for one and another thing I changed his apartment without him asking. Oh Shit I am doomed.

"Hello Stan how was your day at-" he stops short and stares at what is going on in front of him with shock and twitches his eyebrows almost like Tweek used too.

"What the fuck is this?" he asks darkly glaring at me.

"It's a couch." I tell him stating the obvious.

Kenny and Kyle glance at each other in shock unsure if this is really their childhood friend. "Hi Cartman." Kyle replies in shock of his worst enemy and what he has become. This world really is a twisted place.

"I can see that." He says and points toward Kenny and Kyle accusingly. "And why are there two strangers in my apartment?"

"Cartman, its Kyle and Kenny. Don't you remember them?"

_**So yeah you guys finally got to meet Howard and Raj, to make things clear Kyle is supposed to be Raj and Kenny is Howard. I was originally going to make Kyle in Howard but then I thought about it. Even though being Jewish and still living with his Mom would be perfect for him everything else just wasn't Kyle. Think about it can you imagine Kyle as the high-ego, womanizer that Howard is with no PhD? I thought the shy can't talk to woman Raj fit Kyle a lot more.**_

_**Penny comes really soon, and I am sure that you will all be satisfied with who she is.**_

_**Thanks again for reading this guys the support means the world to me.**_

_**Love you all, Bramblestar**_


	4. It's Called A Couch

"Excuse me Stan? Kyle and Kenny who?" Cartman says unsure examining the two males sitting on our new couch. At least he has _that_ out of his mind now!

"Kenny McCormick and Kyle Broflovski!" I reply rolling my eyes, sometimes living with him is a real pain. Wait what am I talking about; living with him is a pain all the time! Kyle and Kenny both stand up to face Cartman and I have to admit without their work clothes on they look so much more like themselves.

Kenny is wearing brown skinny jeans and a simple orange sweater with a turtleneck underneath it a lot like that old hoodie he used to wear. I guess he has long grown out that thing now-a-days. I wonder if Kenny still dies as much as he used too. Probably not, now that he is away from that crazy ass town we came from.

Kyle on the other hand is wearing simple black loose jeans and a green shirt with an orange sweater on top. He is even wearing that green ushanka that he used to wear all the time when we were little over his orange hair. It's almost as if he never changed.

"From the fourth grade? But that can't be possible!" Cartman says looking them both up and down unsure about what is going on in front of him.

"Well you better believe it fat-ass because it is us!" Kenny says impatiently.

"Holy crap." He mutters inching closer to our two best friends sounding just like the Eric Cartman I once knew.

"Yeah fat-ass I'm here." Kyle says smiling and taunting him just like old times.

"Shut up Kyle you stupid Jew." Cartman says smiling back awkwardly with his crooked smile that I almost never see.

Kyle looks over at me confused and even after all these years I can still understand what he's saying through his eyes. That's how close we were, we have gone through so much together it's amazing how we got so far. His emerald green eyes are telling me that he doesn't seem that different besides his looks.

I give him a look back saying _you'll see_. "Bazinga!" Cartman exclaims right on cue just then laughing a tiny bit with the same awkwardness his smile had.

"What the hell is a Bazinga?" Kenny asks and I snicker a bit, oh boy do they have a lot to learn when it comes to the new Cartman. It's like reading a whole new textbook or watching the _Star Trek_ series all over again.

"Bazinga: a catchy phrase to accompany your clever pranks. It comes from the word "zing" which is commonly used to fool someone." Cartman explains sounding like he is reading the dictionary out loud word from word. I probably should've warned them not to question Eric's habits because that is _not_ a good idea.

"Yeah sure." Kyle says and sitting back down on the couch.

"Well I guess I probably should find a new spot." Eric replies looking around at his four new options. Finally he moves over to the chair, I move out of the way for him to sit on it and watch for him to play a little game called "Who will be Eric's new spot?"

He sits down on it very briefly and his face goes very sour. "No." he says sharply and gets up right away. He points toward Kyle who is sitting at the end of the couch closest to the door leading into our apartment. "Move." He orders Kyle.

"Why?" Kyle asks looking over to me for help.

"Just do it Kyle." I sigh not wanting a war from between them. Cartman actually gives people three strikes before they are banished from this apartment or they have to do this little class by him. I have already taken the class once and my God is it really long and really annoying.

Kyle gets up and Cartman sits down on the next part of the couch and tries to get comfortable trying very many positions. He tries to sit back on it, sitting straight up on it and so much more but nothing is working so he gets up once again.

He tries the second spot with no luck just a bunch of moving positions and so he looks over at Kenny who is sitting at the spot where his former lawn chair was. He opens his mouth open at Kenny to tell him to move over but Kenny doesn't even bother to let him speak and gets up.

Cartman sits down on the spot and finally sits comfortably. "This is my brand new spot. No one else sit here." He orders everyone and we all nod not wanting to question why we can't sit there.

"So what do you want to do tonight? Maybe Wii bowling?" I suggest and Eric looks over at me his eyes wide and shaking his head franticly.

"Tonight is Wednesday Stan, tonight is Halo Night then the Comic Book Store." He tells me, Cartman has this entire daily schedule in his head that we must do or else he has this sort of spasm attack. And Kyle and Kenny may be okay with that but I have to live with him!

"Do you guys like Halo and comic books?" I ask Kyle and Kenny unsure that they would be into that sort of thing like we are. I'm sure that Kyle and Kenny would like Halo after all we've been playing Xbox and all that sort of stuff since we were in the fourth grade!

"Yeah for sure, actually the new _Spiderman_ comic is out that I need to buy." Kenny replies contently happy for having his night planned. And probably getting to be away from his Mother for a little while longer than most nights.

"I love Halo dude!" Kyle says happily. I let out a breath of relief, I'm so glad they both didn't grow out of that sort of stuff like most people our age.

"Sweet! This is going to be a fun night!" I exclaim feeling extremely happy. For the first time in a long time the four of us are back together again in the longest time and that I actually have three friends again, something that hasn't happened since Butters died. And something inside me tells me that they are here to stay, and the next few years are going to kick a lot of ass.

_**I know this chapter is really short but its sweet you know? The next one will be a lot more fun I promise you that and Penny will be coming up! I also had to put this chapter in to show you guys Cartman's crazy schedule, Bazinga and of course Cartman's new spot. More coming soon!**_

_**Love you all, Bramblestar.**_

_**And I would like to thank Google for giving me so much facts about all sort of stuff in the past few chapters and the proper definition of Bazinga!**_


	5. A New Neighbor

A few more months go by living off the same schedule as always, you know how it is with Cartman everything must go as planned. He has changed some of his daily life now that he actually has friends like Kyle, Kenny and I a small group but inseparable just like before. Life has been simple but good, with video game nights, trips to the Comic Book store, eating out or ordering in meals just having a great time with my friends. Not to mention working at the Children's Hospital with them every week day. I kind of like having a day by day schedules too, no unexpected surprises that could change my life.

Boy can't I be more than wrong.

"Did you know that American Airlines saved 40,000 dollars in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad in the first class?" Eric asks me as we walk up the stairs together as we walk up the stairs together.

Today this Sunday we went over to a clinic to donate our sperm to try and make smart babies but Cartman decided not to do it in the end worried about not giving the woman who takes it not what she wishes for. I am glad we didn't do it either it's kind of sketchy in my opinion.

"Oh really?" I reply pretending to be interested in olives and money but I am kind of zoning out from what he is saying.

He goes on and on about how the price of olives and all that for a little while as I give him a few nods and all that as he speaks not really paying attention to what he says. As we get up to our floor I notice a lot of boxes in the hallway not too far away from the door that is when I remember something. The apartment across the hall used to be for sale! The new neighbour must be here.

The door is open to the next apartment and I look in to see the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. Ever since Wendy, I've never really had time to focus on girls while so many guys during my high school years was going on movie dates and getting "laid" I had Butters to worry about and then my studies to worry about.

She is standing there very lost in the field of boxes around her and though she may not be some model to me she is a goddess with her long black layered hair, slim but not grossly skinny body, violet eyes she is just gorgeous.

Cartman stops his rambling when he sees that I've stopped heading towards the door and is staring at the apartment across the hall. "Why are you staring at her? Relationships and all that crap is _such_ a waste of time." He replies and looks away. I probably know why he thinks that way after all he was a huge loser growing up and has only kissed one girl, Wendy but that was only impulse she would assure me but I really don't know to this date if that was not bullshit or not.

"Well I think we should say hi." I argue and the former fat-ass rolls his brown eyes not wanting to do this at all.

Before we get a chance to greet her she looks over at us and smiles , she has the most gorgeous smile ever. She could be my Scott to my Ramona like in _Scott Pilgrim verses the World _Series. Never was a fan of the movie though. Too bad for me though this isn't some sort of fantasy world where girls like this one would fall for someone like me.

"Hi," she says happily and walks over to her opened door and leans against the door frame of her apartment. She is wearing a light purple tank top and a yellow mini skirt.

"Hello." Cartman and I both say in unison awkwardly we both never really talk to girls much these days. I can't remember the last time I've really communicated with one like this. It's been at least five years, probably more, probably since Cartman left and we all split up.

"Uhm, what's your names?" The girl asks awkwardly trying to start some sort of conversation with us. Inside I feel like bleeding because it sucks so much that I can't even make a simple small-talk conversation with a girl.

"My name's Stan and this is Eric but he likes to go by Cartman." I introduce us and when I point to Cartman he gives her a small wave.

"My name's Wendy," the girl says with a shy smile politely.

"Yes, it was very nice meeting you Wendy but Stan and I must be going now. Come Stan," Cartman remarks rudely obviously not giving a fuck about a beautiful girl standing right there in front of him. But he has always been like that always in his own world not really giving a fuck about what others thought.

I look over at Cartman at Wendy and I stare deep into her eyes feeling as if there is something really familiar about her. "Bye Wendy," I say quietly.

"Bye Stan." Wendy replies and I look over at her because her voice goes a bit higher at the end of that sentence. That high-pitched voice, those eyes they all seem way to familiar. But it can't be her; my odds are not that much in my favour. Great now I am sounding like Shelley's favourite series when she was in her High School years _The Hunger Games._ She used to say that to me before tests and all that and it got so annoying.

I reluctantly follow Cartman back into our apartment and close the door behind me, she is just haunting me and I can't stop thinking about her. "I think we should invite her over." I blurt out without thinking. God damn it why did I say that? Cartman hates having company besides Kenny and Kyle and it took him _forever_ to adapt to having two more people in our activities.

"What? Why?" Cartman asks surprised.

"Just to be a good neighbour dude," I reply making an excuse to what I really feel because in reality I just want to be around her. I need to find out her life's story something tells me that I need to find out more about her and I will not rest until then.

"Okay fine Stan; be sure to offer her a hot beverage by the way." Cartman replies sitting down on the couch and flicks on the TV to the History Channel because there is a special all about Hitler on. That is one thing that hasn't changed about him.

"Why?" I ask standing near by the door hand almost at the doorknob.

"It's a polite way to greet people." He replies and turns up the volume a tiny bit on the TV, he is sitting at his spot of course.

"Yeah okay, " I say and I walk out of the apartment and I try my best to gain enough confidence to walk across the hall right to her now closed apartment door. Heart pounding, stomach churning, I hesitantly make a motion to knock on the door but put my hand down midway. "God damn it you can do this. You have a PhD for fucks sake! Do you want to go back to the old social Stan? Well if so this is your first step." I will myself as if I actually believe I will actually go back to my old self. Nope not going to happen, getting my PhD kind of ruined that for me.

I knock on the door and within seconds it opens up to reveal Wendy again. I have felt this feeling before, way back in grade three. Shit, has it been that long?

"Hi," she says nicely smiling happily.

"Hey I was uh wondering if you wanted to come over to my apartment." I ask her my face growing hot actually all of me growing hot because I am so nervous. At least I don't vomit as much as I used too when I was little only when I am really stressed. I think I lost five pounds after Butters died.

"Yeah sure," she replies so casually not worried at all about going into some stranger's apartment. But really what the hell would we do to her anyways?

Together we walk over to my apartment and we open the door to see Cartman standing awkwardly awaiting out arrival. Oh boy, this is going to be interesting.

"Hello Wendy, welcome to my apartment. May I offer you a hot beverage?" he asks her as if he is going to be a part of some sort of business meeting or about to start a tour group rather than having a real girl over that isn't one of our Mom's or siblings.

"No thanks," Wendy replies and sits down on the couch _right on Cartman's spot!_ I look over at the kitchen area of apartment where the former fat boy is and luckily he has his back turned making some sort of smoothie or juice. My eyes grow wide because sitting on Cartman's spot is a definite strike one.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." I whisper to Wendy my eyes wide in seriousness.

Wendy laughs clueless. "Why?"

"Just do it!" I hiss but it's too late, Cartman turns around to see Wendy sitting pretty comfortably on his spot. He squints his eyes at her.

"You're sitting in my spot." He points out not impressed whatsoever.

"Ooooooooh." I mutter pinching the bridge of my nose I have done this for years whenever things get awkward or anything like that. I mostly do it when things are in that annoying or pissed off "God Damn it" kind of feeling.

Wendy ignores me and pats the seat next to her. "Sit next to me."

"Uh that's the thing Wendy I can't," Cartman insists but I know that Wendy won't get it. I already know that she is not scientist material, nope she's too hot.

"Why not?" Wendy asks confused, she doesn't know Cartman at all obviously, Kyle's Mom during one Skype session with her son tried to figure out what the hell is wrong with him but in the end Cartman really is just Cartman. No other words to put it down as.

Cartman begins to twitch in his face and it looks like he is going to have a seizure. Wendy looks over at me for help and I sigh. I do not want Cartman to get in a fight with this beautiful girl especially not on the first time I've ever met her. And I kind of want her to talk to _me _more.

"Just move to a different spot Cartman." I sigh getting frustrated with him. It's like this every single day, all of my things that are not in my room have to be labeled and I have to keep all of my food on my shelf in the fridge and the pantry. I have to live by his rules or else well I'm screwed.

"Stupid hippie," Cartman scowls moving from different spots over and over as I turn over to Wendy.

"So tell us a little about yourself Wendy." I tell her trying to start a conversation with her. It is kind of awkward because I don't know what to say to her and Cartman is not really making matters any better. She must think we are some sort of insane maniacs that just came out of the Funny Farm. Well Kyle did go there once, but that was an accident.

"Well um, I used to live in this town South Park it's really small you've probably never heard of it." Wendy says sweeping her hand away like brushing off her town like it's no big deal. Jesus tapping dancing Christ she can't be more wrong. This can't be the same Wendy though maybe she came a long after I left.

"I grew up there and I was the smartest kid in my class growing up let's face it I loved science and all that but it got so boring. I felt as if I was going nowhere so I broke up with my nerdy-ass boyfriend and well in High School I realized how much I loved acting and drama so I went to Toronto and I am currently working at The Pickle Barrel the one in the Eaton Centre until I get an acting job! But I haven't gotten one yet and I just broke up with my asshole boyfriend who cheated on me for that slut and still has my TV." Wendy bursts into tears then and hides her face in her hands. She gets up from Cartman's spot on the couch and Cartman runs over to his spot quickly and sits there as the two of us watch Wendy cry leaning up against the counter of our kitchen.

Cartman looks over at me as if he expects me to know what to do. He is very fascinated on the process of "making friends" because well as a kid he never had "friends" even Kyle, Kenny and I really kind of did kind of consider him as one but in other ways didn't so now being completely socially awkward he is trying to find the perfect way to make friends and to socialize and of course I am his guinea pig for this project. Sadly, I am only a bit better than him.

"I don't know." I mouth to him.

"I know this is stupid and I know that you guys don't want to hear some random girl's dramatic life but I don't know what to do!" Wendy screams.

"There, there." Cartman says not standing up trying to be comforting I think he read "there, there" in a book or maybe saw it once on TV even though I've never seen it on one of his sci-fi shows before. Trust me I know, we watch them together.

Wendy looks up at Cartman and looks over at her side where Cartman's whiteboard where he works on his string theory and other things on it, Cartman always tells me if his surgeon career gets lame he is going to focus more on his other PhD in physics.

"Whoa, what's this?" she asks curiously right before I am going to mention to her that I was her nerdy-ass ex-boyfriend.

"That's my board Wendy." Cartman says walking over to it and leans against it.

"Yeah but what's on it? It looks like some random secret language." Wendy observes it up and down of course she wouldn't know what string theory was she has a life! Well I think she does anyways.

"It's some of the theories I have been thinking of lately. But I've not reached to anything yet it all is fucking dead ends." Cartman says frustrated, he's been working on his board a lot lately and all of that because he likes to focus on a different kind of science when he gets home sometimes.

"Wait, you're one of those genius people aren't you?" Wendy asks in suspiciously.

"I guess you could call me that." Cartman replies smugly, he knows that he's smart, smarter than a good amount of the world's population after all he got his first PhD when he was 16 for fucks sake!

Suddenly feeling very jealous of my roommate because he's getting all the attention from Wendy I run over to my board across the room which is filled with simpler formulas and shit than Cartman's obviously but in her eyes are just as complicated. "You like boards? This is mine over here!" I exclaim suddenly pointing to it.

"Oh nice," Wendy replies not fully into it but then she looks over at me twice giving me that look as if it's finally locked into her that she's seen us before.

"Haven't I seen you before? I feel like I know you." She says unsurely looking at me up and down.

"You sure do know me Wendy; guess you were right about the nerdy-ass boyfriend eh?" I say slyly, hey if I keep talking like this I can be in action movies. Or those teen dramas I can just hear the violin music coming on right now!

"Hey now, don't forget about me, Eric Cartman PhD." Eric introduces himself again formerly except no shaking hands because he hates human contact. Not even hugs, well Cartman was never much of a hugger anyways.

"Wait what? Oh my God!" Wendy exclaims starring at both of us dumb-founded. This is a little awkward I have to admit. She keeps on glancing back and forth at each one of us her hair waving back and forth because she is moving her head so many times to look at us. The room is very silent as Cartman and I stand very still unsure what to do at this moment.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you again Wendy." I reply breaking the silence but after I say it I instantly regret it. What if she doesn't want to see me again? She did break up with me because after Butters died I transformed completely, oh well its better than going back to being Goth! I miss those Goth kids; I should message them all on Facebook soon.

"Um, it's nice to see you too Stan. I'm sorry for calling you nerdy." She says her cheeks growing red with embarrassment.

"It's all right I guess I kind of am." I mutter shyly looking down at the ground. I am doing so badly at this; at least I'm not throwing up though. I feel like I am going to any minute my stomach is doing summersaults inside of me.

Wendy turns over at Cartman with disbelief. "I can't believe that you are Eric Cartman, the fat dumb-ass. Shouldn't you be like destroying the world and killing everyone you hate?"

"I suppose I can do that Wendy but where would that take me? Satisfaction? What would happen when it's all over? Human nature never changes, even _you_ should know that. After I'm dead Jews would just start to come back and reproduce and all my work would be worthless. May as well work on much smaller projects for now, and I never was a dumb-ass Wendy. I just never gave a fuck about school. As for fat, anyone can lose weight." Cartman explains coldly then changes back to his usual self. "Now if you excuse me a special on History Channel is on." He replies and runs back over to his spot and grabs the remote.

"Okay," she says weirdly as if she has no idea what just happened in front of her. "So what do you guys do for fun around here?" she asks trying to change the conversation.

"We tried to masturbate for money this morning." Cartman replies looking over at Wendy briefly as I pinch the bridge of my nose again.

"God damn it Cartman." I mutter to myself, I can't believe he just said that. Wendy gives him a strange look and then turns over to me and mouths "what?"

"It was for an experiment thing, but we decided not to do it." I explain to her shyly hoping that she believes me, because what Cartman said isn't exactly true. We didn't end up doing it!

"Oh," Wendy says understandingly and nods her head. "You are so lucky to still have a TV my ex-boyfriend still has it and won't give it back because he's such a cheating asshole." Wendy suddenly says and bursts into tears once again.

"It's okay, guys are assholes." I try to make her feel better but I have no idea what to tell her it's been so long since I've had to comfort anyone from a break-up.

Wendy wipes a tear from her now bright-pink eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess. It's just been so hard you know? Can I use your shower? I can't use mine and I need to freshen up."

"Um well yeah sure." I stutter I wasn't expecting that to happen! "Here I'll show you where it is." I point over to the hallway area where our only bathroom is.

"Thanks, you're really sweet."

I lead her into the bathroom and she walks over to our shower and I instantly get embarrassed by our shower curtain, shit I completely forgot about that thing! Cartman had it when I moved in and until now it's been perfectly fine with me but in front of a girl I just want to hide away from it. It has a periodic table of the elements on it! She probably doesn't even know what that is but it's still extremely nerdy!

She opens up the shower curtain without looking even looking at it though and I let out a sigh of relief. I turn around to leave not wanting to you know be there when she starts to get naked that would be just creepy.

"Wait-Stan?" Wendy stops me just as I put my hand to the knob of the door. As soon as she says my name I stop right away, my heart pounding wanting to know what she is going to say.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you so much, you're a real friend." She says as I watch her purple top come flying over the top of our shower and fluttering down to the ground and I realize something, a girl is naked in my house. This is so fucking weird. Just than her yellow mini skirt follows after, oh God.

"Um, yeah you're…welcome." I stutter and I leave the room right away.

As I enter the living room again where Cartman has his eyes glued to the TV clinging onto every word this random old guy is saying.

I hear a knock at the door and I rush over to open it, it's probably Kyle and Kenny Cartman and I _never_ get visitors. I open it to see Kyle and Kenny of course there standing excitedly, Kenny has a DVD in hand.

"Oh my God Stan, you have to see this." Kenny says suddenly and runs over to our DVD player right in front of Cartman as he was watching his documentary.

"It is fucking awesome." Kyle replies grinning giving two thumbs up.

"Hey, I was watching that asshole!" Cartman bursts out as Kenny changes the channel on the TV to start the DVD sounding the good old Cartman briefly.

"Cartman you'll love this, it's Stephen Hawking before he became a human robot," Kenny replies and sits down on the other end of the couch.

"Guys can we not do this right now?" I ask them quietly my cheeks growing red in embarrassment. What if Wendy hears the conversation? We'll look like the biggest losers ever, and it'll come to show that nothing changed in the life of Stan Marsh. Even though things really did turn for Cartman and Kenny. I still have to ask him what the hell happened to make him actually go into the nerdy life he has now from the popular kid life getting laid every night and shit. Why the hell would anyone give that up?

"Why dude?" Kyle asks confused, usually I would love to tag along in listening to Stephen Hawking and talking about _Star Trek_ and shit. I guess this is like a twist in our lame little lives.

"Because there is a naked girl in our shower." Cartman announces to everyone not ever fazed or considering my feelings.

Kenny's eyes grow wide in intrigue but before he reacts in his excited ways he pauses. "Is your Mom over?"

"No we have a new neighbour." I tell them shyly.

"Is she hot?" Kyle asks intrigued even though he hasn't had a girlfriend in years. Probably since that Rebecca girl in grade 4, but hell if I know!

"Well….I guess you could say that." I say with a smirk looking at the floor not keeping eye contact with them.

Kenny leaps up from the couch in excitement. I've never seen him this happy before, except for when he was going to get a blow job from Tammy Warner. That didn't turn out too well, Kenny died. He doesn't die that much anymore but he has his moments living in a busy city like Toronto it's almost suspected in a guy like him. "Holy shit dude this is fucking awesome!" he exclaims.

I sigh knowing Kenny and how he always brags about getting woman laid at bars and shit, it looks like I may never have a chance with Wendy again.


End file.
